Spill the Beans, KP

living the life of someone who hates communication.
~ Wednesday, February 27 ~
Permalink

Goodbye for Now

Hello Internet

I am starting to think that my constant submersion in my sadness while I write these posts is making things worse. I have had so many ups and downs, but I seem to resort to tumblr only when I’m down. It’s a way for me to sulk in my sadness, when sometimes what I really need is to go outside. I feel like I’m in such a dark place. My breaths above water are becoming shorter and the rest of my time consists of me struggling to breathe. Things like seclusion drag me underwater. I’ve been secluding myself too much and I need to force myself to peel myself off my bed and walk into a crowded room, just to keep my mind from wandering into a dark place. I wish I could give you all motivation to live another day, but that is going to be difficult for me, when I am contemplating the purpose of my own existence. I will no longer post on this blog, in hopes to bring myself above water again. I don’t want to feel like I’m constantly drowning. I wish you all the best. Love.

-kptellsall 


~ Thursday, February 7 ~
Permalink

I’m supposed to be progressing, but I feel like I’m just going into a deeper, darker hole.

Tags: depression depressed sad cutting si self harm alone lonely progress
3 notes
~ Friday, January 18 ~
Permalink
Real talk; it doesn’t release pain on the inside or whatever bull you’ve heard on TV or read on the internet. What you’ve seen from society makes it look like its “cool” or the way to go about things after you are hurt. But it’s not.
— I’ve tried to get over this, and pretend it’s okay that not everyone understands cutting, but this whole blog post just gets me really mad. Read the whole post at http://www.instablogg.com/3zAYtVW#.UJuJxXMJi-g.tumblr (via kptellsall)
Tags: cutting depression sad alone SI self harm
1 note
reblogged via kptellsall
~ Saturday, January 12 ~
Permalink
Tags: cutting si self harm depression depressed sad alone lonely relapse
8 notes
~ Tuesday, January 1 ~
Permalink

Memories in This Town

Hello Internet,

I’ve come to visit my parents and brothers for the holiday break. It has been so hard for me to be here because there are so many triggers around here that remind me of my ex boyfriend. I haven’t felt this depressed in a long time. I can’t go anywhere in this God forsaken town without thinking “oh, we used to come here” or “the last time I was here, I was with him”. It has been so much harder than I expected. Being in this city has taken its toll on me. I was so exited to visit my family, but all I can think about is getting out of here. I used to be able to look forward to being in his arms once again when I visited during breaks, but now I don’t have that. I miss him so much and I wish he would miss me. I should wish him and his new girlfriend the best, but I can’t. This makes me feel even more lonely.

-kptellsall

Tags: lonely loneliness sad depressed depression boyfriend relationships broken hurt
~ Monday, December 24 ~
Permalink

Happy Holidays?

The holidays have decreased my happiness and increased my loneliness.

There have been one too many nights like tonight where I just don’t feel like silently suffering any longer. 

There are too many people who think I’m happy this holiday season, when in reality, this has been the hardest holiday season I’ve ever had.

How can I feel so unwanted, unneeded, and lonely in a room full of people who love me?

-kptellsall

Tags: holidays christmas sad depressed depression lonely loneliness alone
~ Thursday, December 6 ~
Permalink
This video is circulating. It’s such an awesome campaign because so many people feel persecuted for feeling the way they’re feeling. http://youtu.be/jcWI2Fc_zhQ

I RELATE

This video is circulating. It’s such an awesome campaign because so many people feel persecuted for feeling the way they’re feeling. http://youtu.be/jcWI2Fc_zhQ

I RELATE

Tags: breakup heart ache sad depression depressed boyfriend mental illness
11 notes
~ Tuesday, December 4 ~
Permalink

They ask me if I am suicidal. I chuckle and say, “I’m not going to kill myself”. There’s a pause, and then I say, “but I wouldn’t care if I was no longer alive”.

Tags: depressed depression sad suicide suicidal
3 notes
~ Wednesday, November 14 ~
Permalink
Tags: alone sad depressed depression lonely empty wish someone was here
12 notes
Permalink
Real talk; it doesn’t release pain on the inside or whatever bull you’ve heard on TV or read on the internet. What you’ve seen from society makes it look like its “cool” or the way to go about things after you are hurt. But it’s not.
— I’ve tried to get over this, and pretend it’s okay that not everyone understands cutting, but this whole blog post just gets me really mad. Read the whole post at http://www.instablogg.com/3zAYtVW#.UJuJxXMJi-g.tumblr
Tags: cutting depression sad alone SI self harm
1 note